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Blog, Goals, Insecurities, Novel, Rejection, Revisions, Short Story, WIP, Writer, Writing
I wrote a short story. I know that’s not a big deal or anything to get too excited about, but the difference with this story is that I wrote it with the intent to share and submit to a story contest. This is a first for me. I’ve shared my writing before … occasionally … but not often enough. This makes me wonder, can a person be a writer if they only write for him or herself? I think so. But this year I’m trying to move beyond that. I want to share my writing. That’s one of the reasons I started this blog.
I’ve been telling myself I want to write a novel since I was a kid. But I’ve never wanted to share my words. I was always too afraid. Didn’t like the feeling of vulnerability. Insecurity took over, and I don’t generally see myself as an insecure person, so I wasn’t comfortable with that feeling. And those thoughts taunted me, you know the ones: What if they don’t like it? What if it sucks? What if they think I’m a terrible writer? I let them hold me back.
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But then last year after reading several books on writing I changed my goals. I kept my long-term goal of writing a novel, but added a short-term goal: to get an official rejection letter.
Now, this may sound self-defeating and pessimistic, but it’s not. Many great authors have received rejection after rejection of their great work. Getting one of those letters would not only put me in GREAT company (whether I belong there or not is a different matter), but more importantly it means I would have taken that chance and finally had the courage to share my work with others. And if that leads to a rejection letter, I’m completely okay with that! If it leads to something more … writing more, improving, sharing more and maybe one day having something published, then that would be even better!
A small step towards my goal is this short story. I was hesitant but I shared it with a friend. Someone who knows about writing. Someone that I trust would tell me the truth and give me constructive feedback. I know it’s risky to share my story with a friend. Talk about putting them in an awkward situation. What if she thinks it’s terrible? What if she thinks I should give up on writing and stick to my day job? (Uh-oh, those thoughts again).
Well, that could have happened. And if it did, I would have chalked it up as 3000 more words towards my million (or at least that’s what I’m telling myself). But you know what? It didn’t happen. She actually liked it. Better yet, she gave lots of good suggestions and tips to make it stronger.
The funny thing is that the timing was perfect. I finished my third draft of my WIP and loaded it onto my Kindle app to read it as if it were a real book. I did this after just finishing a great book by another blogger. I got a few paragraphs into my own story and thought to myself, “This is crap!” And I meant it! I know not all of the story is bad but that opening needs serious work. I couldn’t get passed it! It’s so amateurish, it was embarrassing. I’m so glad I haven’t shared that one with anyone yet. I started questioning myself:
“Why are you doing this?”
“You’re just wasting your time.”
“You’re not a good writer, why bother?”
“You don’t think you’ll ever really publish anything, do you?
… and on and on those thoughts came back to me.
I tried to fight against them. I told myself I just had to keep at it, rework the beginning, make Draft 4 even better. But three drafts in — all that time and effort — and it still needs so much work. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I told myself to, but I took no actions. Instead I read my fellow bloggers posts. Interesting how some of them have recently had similar feelings. And these are bloggers that I think are excellent writers! I felt a little better.
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And then the email came. The one from my friend who said she liked my story. Instantly, I got motivated. I was so excited to revise and improve the story. I couldn’t wait to get to work on it (which I’ve been doing all morning).
I’m sending it to another friend to get more feedback before I actually submit it to the contest. I don’t necessarily expect to win anything — again, I’m not trying to be self-defeatist. If I win, well that would be amazing, but if I don’t I’ll still feel like I accomplished a big step.
As for my WIP, I’m excited to get back to work on that story too now. I can’t give up … I’ve done that before and that’s just too easy. I have to keep trying if I ever want to get over this hump … so onto Draft #4!
How do you get over your insecurities or fears — that is, if you have any 🙂 — and put yourself out there?
Oh, yes, insecurities and fears, we all have them. Good for you for confronting them and for deciding to submit your story. We are always our own worst critics. Plus, I think we read our stuff so much that we’re convinced it’s not good. But a funny thing happens when you step away from it for awhile. When you come back a month or two later, you think, “Hmm, this isn’t so bad.” And then you’ll waffle back and forth again, but at least the moment was there. 🙂
That’s why outside readers are so important. An opinion from an objective reader can be so helpful (I paid for a manuscript critique by a successful author for my first novel–best money I spent). Of course, I find after I get the feedback, I need to put it away for a couple weeks to be sure all my defenses are down. Then I can appreciate the feedback more fully and not take any of it personally.
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Carrie, I try to be realistic when I look at my own writing, but I know that’s just not possible. Having objective eyes read over it helps, but I think I will likely follow in your footsteps and pay for a critique when it comes to the WIP. I just can’t imagine asking a friend to read through a full-length novel and give the kind of feedback I’m going to need. But before I get to that point, I’ve got plenty of revisions to do. 🙂
I have to admit that I thought of your “Mr. Nasty Pants” a few times as these insecurities took hold — not that I want him to visit you, but can you tell him to stay away from me? 🙂 Thanks!!
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Haha. I’ll be sure to do that. 🙂
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Wow! You are taking all the great and necessary steps to reach each goal!
I love that you are eager to get your first rejection letter. 😉 It’s one step closer to the acceptance letter, right? You rock, Arlene!
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Exactly, Denise … or well, at least I hope it means I’ll be closer to that acceptance letter. 🙂 Thanks for the vote of confidence, I *really* appreciate it!!!
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This is exactly how I felt about a year ago, and, like you, one of the reasons I started blogging is to confront my fear of sharing my words. Good for you on taking the first steps to share your work and getting feedback. Those first steps are really hard, I know, I’ve been there!
But the rewards are incredible. Even if I never end up writing for anyone other than myself (and I’m becoming more confident that won’t be the case!) sharing words and critiques has helped me become a stronger writer.
It’s so important to understand that all writers start in exactly the place you are in now, and just keep writing. One of my favorite quotes (and pardon me if I can’t remember who said it off the top of my head) is ‘A professional writer is an amateur who didn’t quit.’
Keep writing! You’ll get there. 🙂
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Kirsten, I like that quote I’ll have to remember it, but when you say, “It’s so important to understand that all writers start in exactly the place you are in now,” that really hits home! To know that so many others feel/have felt this way helps. By the way, I’ve read your “Insecure Writer’s Support Group” posts and can’t even fathom that you can feel that way when your writing is SO amazing! Thanks so much for stopping by!
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Aww, thank you! It’s so great to know that my posts are being read and appreciated. 🙂
(And I really am THAT insecure, but gaining confidence all the time.)
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You’re doing exactly the best things needed to successfully publish, and you’ve learned one of the best things about blogging—our writing insecurities are shared by many. Just remembering that fact can help me over a hump.
Best wishes for the competition!
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So true, JM! This is such a supportive community and I’m so glad I discovered and have become a part of it! I’ve met so many great writers and great people in such a short time. Seeing other writers express their frustrations, insecurities, processes and triumphs is so helpful for a beginner like me. But it still amazes me when I see such talented writers struggle with insecurities about their writing, when I can only hope to have an ounce of their talent. Like you, I tend to compare myself to other bloggers/writers but I have to remember not to do that. Thanks for always being so supportive!!!
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I all kinds of insecure…but I’m rooting for you! Dig into draft #4! You can do it!
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Katie, I can practically hear you cheering me on 🙂 appreciate that! I’ve got my shovel ready and I plan to start digging. Thanks Katie!!
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It’s because I’m loud, I know. But I mean it. You got this.
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I think this is one of the hardest things writers have to do and it sounds like you’re on your way to doing it. The only way I’ve found to get past this is to keep writing, rewriting, and submitting. I’ve submitted tons of short stories and after a while the rejections spurred me on. I’d always rewrite after a rejection and then send it right back out. The first couple rejections were tough but then I expected them and instead of making me want to give up, they made me want to try harder and submit more and more. Good luck and keep doing what you’re doing!
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Sheila, thanks for the motivation. I hope that’s how I will react when I get my first (second, third, etc) rejection letter(s). Of course, I’m nervous as heck about sending out the story, but like you, I hope it will be the first of many! Thanks for the support!
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Fantastic post! Rejection letters are all part of it, and eventually you’ll get a response that isn’t rejection! It takes a lot of courage to let people read your stuff, particularly friends! So well done and Good Luck!
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Thanks Rebecca. Hopefully these small steps will lead to that positive response (eventually). Thanks for stopping by 🙂
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