There, I said it.
And now that I’ve said it out loud for all the world to hear … okay that’s an exaggeration … I should say for my blog followers to read … okay wait … at last check I have none … but eventually I may have blog followers and you’ll read this and you’ll know that I’ve said it out loud and so I’ll have to do something about it.
Since I can remember I wanted to be a writer. I had plenty of ideas for stories, characters and scenes. I wanted to write plays, short stories, children’s stories, coming out stories, poetry. And I did write some. So what happened you ask? Good question! Oh, you want an answer to that? Well, I’m not sure. I’ve kept them hidden away in my journals. I’ve been writing in journals since I was about 12. And although I dreamed of becoming a writer for some reason it wasn’t a goal I ever pursued wholeheartedly. Maybe because I didn’t think it was realistic, maybe I didn’t take it seriously, or maybe because deep down I didn’t think I was good enough. Whatever the reason – I didn’t pursue it.
I think of myself as someone who is pretty good at setting and reaching goals. I wanted to play basketball in college. I did it – I walked onto the team. I wanted to learn sign language – become an interpreter. I did it. I wanted to become a counselor, get my master’s in professional counseling. I did it. I wanted to become a Certified Assistive Technology Professional. I did it. I know these don’t necessarily seem to go together but they actually fit quite nicely into the career that I have now. (If you want to know what I do for my day job you can take a look at my program’s website and page on Facebook). When I set my mind to do something – I do it. But when it came to writing, I didn’t. I guess I saw it as a hobby and nothing more. I had dreams about wanting to be a writer, to publish, but it was like holding on too loosely to the ribbon of a balloon. I glanced away, distracted and oops, it slipped through my fingers. Skyward.
I jumped for it once or twice, but the balloon rose up and away. I was disappointed but I couldn’t help admire how pretty it looked as it floated higher, got smaller and disappeared from view. I never thought of the consequences – I just let that dream go.
Kind of reminds me of that movie we saw every year in elementary school (in the 70s if you must know) about the red balloon floating through the streets and a young boy trying to catch it. And the song, 99 Red Balloons (80’s … remember?). I never could make out all the words but when I hear it, I can’t help but picture a sky full of balloons.
So looking back I realize I wasted a lot of time – hours playing video games (loved those!), watching movies, reading other author’s books and making plenty of excuses. Too afraid to let others know my real dream. Too afraid to pursue it. But the good thing about balloons and goals is I can get another one. Fill it with airy dreams and hold on tight. Or better yet, tie it to my wrist so I don’t lose it again.
So, no more wasting time! I’ve set my goal: write and publish story by 45. That’s 3 years from now. This is doable (right? twinge of insecurity flows through me) … now I just have to do it. And in the meantime, I’ll use this blog space to share pieces of the writer side of me that I usually keep to myself.
And you, (hopefully) interested reader … you will either think I have no shot and wont follow me or you’ll stop by again and see if I can reach this goal too. I hope you do stick around and share your thoughts while you’re here!
So do you have any dreams that you’ve let go of and then recaptured? Are there any that are still floating in the sky, seemingly out of reach? Tell me about them 🙂